I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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