The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
