just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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