Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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