Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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