im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
