Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
