I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
