I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
