Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
