Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
