No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
