I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
