I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
