i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
