I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
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You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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