You made me cry and you don't even care
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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