You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
True strength comes from lack of pants
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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