Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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