Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
