The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
