Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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