Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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