I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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