its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
