im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
