she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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