Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
