I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
