So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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