Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
