Just fell off a train. Bad.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
