my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
