my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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