I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
