My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
