I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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