these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize