I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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