you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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