come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
