if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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