I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
