i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize