It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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