Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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