cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
