is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
