Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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