All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
