I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
