dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
