I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
