He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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