I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
