Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
