Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
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I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
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he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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