Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
