I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
